Fanny pack, bumbag, waist bag, shoulder bag; don't care what you call it, just get one and stuff it!
Where are we going first, a ball game? Sweetness! Phone, keys, and wallet for sure. Let’s also toss in a pocket dog and some shooters to avoid stadium pricing! Pro Tip: If we make the simple gesture to show security that our front pockets are empty, they probably won’t root through our back pocket where the shooters are! Worst case scenario, they get confiscated, seems like a small risk to reward ratio, lets do it!
Of course, this does require you to have a fanny pack with multiple pockets; which of course, we make a ton of! Now would ya look at that! We’ve identified what size bag we need to bring on our first adventure! We’re going with a multiple pocket pack large enough to fit several shooters in addition to the essentials! Now we just gotta match the print to our fit and we’re ready to play ball.
Next up on our adventure list, Cancun baby! Hell yeah, let’s stuff that fanny! We’re going international bruv! First things first, we need a place to safely and securely carry our passport and cash monies! A shoulder sling fanny pack with a secure back pocket is the pack for the job! Aside from going international (bruv), we’re also going to the beach... We’re going to get drunk at the beach.. We’re going to get drunk and very wet at the beach!
A shoulder sling fanny pack with a secure back pocket and it’s water resistant? The Rainier fanny pack is all three! It’ll keep your important documents dry and protect your phone from splash-backs drink spillage. Just don't get fully submerged! Plenty of room left over for hotel key cards, pesos, beach beers, and sunscreen so your pasty ass doesn’t get burned. Vaya Conmigo mi amigos! We’ve successfully stuffed another pack!
Ok, we’re back from Cancun! We don’t remember a thing and holy cow we didn’t lose a thing! And do you know what’s even more amazing than that? Our next adventure! That’s right, we’re off to the festy! If our circumstances are survival of the fittest, we’re gonna need a locked and loaded survival pack! We’ll get to the essentials in a second but first, strategy. Let’s double down! Fanny pack stuffed full of the goods and then... A windbreaker that collapses into a fanny pack (aka fanny breaker) stuffed with even more goods! Yep, we’re talking two fanny packs. The first fanny pack is what we call the spun pack, it’s the one you can afford to lose. Pack your spun pack with snacks, extra snacks, and more snacks. Real snacks, ones that are somewhat nourishing! Also pack the spun pack with some ‘oh shit’ toilet paper, band aids, and protection. You can never have too much protection at the festy!
In the fanny breaker, we place the ‘essential for survival at the festy’ tools! These stay close to the body, at all times! The windbreaker portion of the fanny breaker is equipped with enough storage to fit a six pack; it’s large. Should you find yourself in a total sweat box, the windbreaker collapses into a fanny pack with slightly less storage than before but still plenty of room for activities (the jackets now stuffed in the pocket)! When at the festy it’s smart to keep water, booze, your mind, bartering tools, and some sort of tribal inscriptions that resemble a map back to your campsite on your person at all times! If we must bring it, put your cell phone in this pack as well. Oh, and more protection! Again, you can never have too much protection at the festy. Chances are we’ll make it back to camp with both fanny packs! But if we have two packs, we have better odds of losing only one pack. So let’s play the odds and only lose the spun pack if we're gonna spin! Once again, logic prevails!
And there you have it! Three mock trials of how we might responsibly stuff our fanny's! First, we assessed the essential items required for the activity. We then calculated the volume of the essentials and choose the right size fanny pack. Next, we asked ourselves if the adventure required any tactical aspects in a fanny pack; we utilized multiple pocket and water resistant fanny packs for our adventures! Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we settled on a design that matched the fit and we stuffed it! Presto, we equipped, we strutted, and we soaked up some got dang compliments!
So, how are you gonna stuff your fanny next time you go on an adventure? We want to know where you’re going and what you’re bringing! Send pics of you stuffing your fanny to firstname.lastname@example.org! We’ll send you $15 off your next fanny pack. Maybe more if it gets us hot and you show us a new way to stuff our fanny's!
We’ll leave you with a user submitted list of things you all have stuffed in your fannys:
ActionFigure Apple BabyStuff Banana Bandana Batteries Beer Bible Binoculars Book BottleOpener BoxCutter BrassKnuckles Brush BugSpray Burrito BusinessCards BusPass Camera Candy Cards Cash CatTreats Chapstick Charger CheckBook Chocolate Cigarettes CleanSocks Coins Cologne Comb Compass Condiments Condoms ContactSolution Cookies CoolRocks CornDogs Dentures Deodorant Dice DogTreats Donuts Drugs EarPlugs EyeDrops Fireworks FishingLures Floss Food GameBoy Glasses GolfBalls GuitarPicks Gum Gun HairTies HandSanitizer Headband Headphones HotSauce Insulin Ipod JUULPods Keys Knife LaserPointer Lighter LightSaber LintRoller LipGloss Lollipop Lotion MagnifyingGlass Makeup Mascara Medication MemoryCard Mints Mirror Money Mouthwash NailClippers NailFile NailPolish Nunchucks Paintbrushes Passport Peanuts Pen Pencils Perfume Phone Pictures Pipe Pizza Pocket Dog Pogs Pokemon Poncho PooBags Radio Sandwich ScrewDriver Shooters SkiPass Snacks SowingKit Sunglasses Sunscreen SwimGoogles Tacos Tampon TaterTots TeaBags ThrowingStars Tissue Tools Toothbrush Toys Vape Vitamins Wallet Weed Whistle Zigzags